Monday, December 15, 2008

It's a loooong way down

Our hopes were so high for success between our RE telling us everything looked perfect he knew it would work, our nurse telling us she knew we'd have a great outcome, and after all the reading knowing we'd get lucky just like most people on their first attempt with IVF. We put it so high up there we never imagined how much the fall down would hurt.

The RE that did the retrieval called to give us the initial report. When he started the conversation off with "I wish I had better news" I didn't want to hear another thing he had to say. My eyes instantly filled up and my throat lumped up. He said they inseminated five of the embies using ICSI where the place a single sperm into the egg (increases the chances) and none of them made it to fertilization :(. He then said they did two more yesterday and they would watch overnight to see if they take. If they do we will proceed with the transfer when they are ready, if not it's over!

Those were the worst words ever I couldn't believe what he was telling me. He said our RE would call today with the new results and hopefully they'd have a reason as to why this was happening. Having to relay that information to DH broke my heart I didn't want to tell him but knew I had to. I couldn't pretend anymore that it would be ok and they would figure out why and fix it. Because I don't even know if that's possible now. We are crushed by the news and the RE said on the phone the other two they did yesterday might not make it either. We don't even get the chance to finish the IVF now :(.

All we can do now is pray that they find out why and hopefully it's something that can be fixed. Deep down we are still clinging on the hopes of the last two making it and we can actually proceed but know it's probably not reality. After almost three years of TTC, almost a year with the RE, and 6 IUI's, we find this out. I just want answers!!!


chandra said...

oh honey, i'm so sorry. i really didn't expect to read that. it's really surprising. hugs dear. and i'm praying like mad for your other 2 little guys.

~Nell~ said...

Oh Lisa, I am so sorry, like Chandra said, i was blindsided by that, i was in no way expecting it, and i don't know what to say but give you the biggest hug ever. I am keeping all of my good thoughts on those last two embies, and i feel your need for answers.

Nurse Betty L. Boop said...

SAD for you guys! You deserve so much more than this! I'll be praying that your 2 little ones will develop properly and that either way you'll get answers as to why the first set didn't work. (((HUGS)))